Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Worse than getting your teeth cleaned

Recently I had a Bad Day, of the grieving subset of Bad Days. I had to go to the dentist and I just knew there would be an awkward moment when the hygienist asked me if I'd had my baby or why I wasn't pregnant. I was dreading it utterly and it happened almost exactly the way I had feared, except I hadn't predicted the part where I spent the entire appointment willing myself not to cry, then lost it in the car afterward.

As I told Maggie after her post IVF Shoes, I only want to talk about our loss with people I really care about and trust. Everyone else, it's a need-to-know basis only. I know they don't know what to say. I don't either and I don't feel like comforting them because I suffered a loss.

Like Maggie did, I bought a necklace as a tribute to my son. And what I like best about it is that it's meaningful to me--the two taller flowers sheltering the little one, each representing one of my three children--but I only need share that meaning if I want to.

18 comments:

Melisa with one S said...

The necklace is beautiful. I like how it has special meaning and that the design of it doesn't beg to be asked about.

Catizhere said...

I'd rather have a root-canal than feel this pain.

The necklace is lovely.

Magpie said...

If I were the kind of person that did internet hugs, I'd give you one now.

How 'bout I save a real hug for Chicago?

Formerly Gracie said...

The necklace is such a wonderful tribute.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I love your beautiful necklace...simply beautiful.

Julie @ The Mom Slant said...

I'm so sorry. I've been the well-meaning question-asker, and I can assure you she probably wanted the ground to swallow her up. I wish you hadn't had to employ your boundless grace when you felt least prepared to do so.

Hip Mom's Guide said...

Oh, Mayberry, I'm sorry. I hadn't thought about how all of that must play out on a regular basis for you. I love the necklace. Thanks for sharing its special meaning with us.

Binkytowne said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I agree. Way worse. You made a very lovely choice with that necklace and I hope the good cry in the car made you feel better (if there is such a thing. oh who am I kidding - I know there is.)

nonlineargirl said...

Lovely necklace, and good timing on Magpie's post.

I agree that you do not owe people explanations. I tend to overshare in a "well you asked for it way" but wish I could just be silent and let people deal without wanting to help them feel better.

Heather said...

That stinks in a big way.

I do love the necklace though.

Lady M said...

Thinking of you. It's a beautiful necklace, even without knowing its special meaning.

Kimberly said...

That's a beautiful necklace and beautiful tribute. I love the symbolism in it. Sending good thoughts to you.

Patois said...

That necklace is just about one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

I remember when you wrote about these kinds of encounters you'd face -- I didn't need to click through to remember what you'd said -- and I'm so sorry it went that way.

As always, until you tell me to leave you the hell alone, you and all of yours remain in my prayers.

Farmers Wife said...

The necklace is beautiful and I am sorry for your loss. As I am a new fan, I am not familiar with what happened, but I am sending hugs your way. I have had 4 miscarriages in the last two years and bought a little gold angel to wear, it calms me, if only for a bit. Love to you.

Kate said...

Oh, I'm so sorry for your bad day. What an awkward situation. The necklace is beautiful and a nice remembrance. Here's to better days...

SUEB0B said...

Hugs.

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry, again, and I understand that desire to speak of your child only with those who know you and get you.

That necklace is lovely. It's such a perfect symbol.

Mandy said...

Eerily parallel. I went through the same situation in March when I had my teeth cleaned and the hygienist remarked on how good I looked and where was the baby. And I thought I was past all the "explanations".

Peace be with you, my friend.