Thursday, September 04, 2008

10 commandments of dishwasher use

1. I am the automatic dishwasher; thou shalt not have any other gods before me, and believe that a five-second spin under the faucet is my equal.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the dishwasher in vain, and curse it for not unloading itself.

3. Remember the dishwasher and keep it holy; thou shalt not run it during the dinner hour.

4. Honor thy father and thy mother, and learn to place your dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and not under the couch.

5. Thou shalt not kill your meltable objects by placing them in the lower rack.

6. Thou shalt not cheat by running the dishwasher when it is not full.

7. Thou shalt not steal space through inefficient loading.

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness by claiming disposable items are meant to be washed and reused. And that includes 100-to-a-box drinking straws.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, if it has two dishwashers instead of one.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, who unloads the dishwasher in a more timely manner.

This post may possibly have been inspired by the people in this house with whom I share a dishwasher. Maybe.

13 comments:

Magpie said...

Oh man. You made my day.

My mother is guilty of #8, in spades.

justmylife said...

I am missing my dishwasher more now. It died a couple of weeks ago and the repairman is not nice, he refuses to come over here and fix it NOW!

nonlineargirl said...

#6 is a hot topic around here. Someone piles things in willy-nilly, forcing me to re-organize. Oy.

mothergoosemouse said...

#4 - oh my

#6 and #7 - amen

Kyle calls ours the "dish sanitizer". I maintain that no automatic dishwasher out there will scrub dried egg and cheese from plates; hence, rinsing is common courtesy.

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

Perfect! I personally have such a love/hate relationship with my dishwasher. I mean, it cleans the dishes, but it doesn't put them away???

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

Oh crap. I broke the 2nd commandment. Does this condemn me to dishwasher hell? I'm already in washing machine hell.

Heather said...

What is this thing you call dishwasher??

Lady M said...

The kitchen in our new house is mighty fancy, but I must say that the dishwasher is not the easiest thing to use. It broke a whole series of our glasses before we figured out how to load it.

texasholly said...

genius.

Patois said...

And, in my house, "Thou shalt not expect a 10-year-old girl to take on the mighty task of emptying the dishwasher as it is far too daunting for said child."

I love your commandments, especially #5 and #7.

the mama bird diaries said...

clever. i worship my dishwasher.

julie @ the calm before the stork said...

Two dishwashers??? Wow.

Awesome list, my friend.

JGH said...

Too funny. I'm also guilty of #8 as well as putting disposable meltable items in the lower tray. Straw clogs even required a service call recently. Ewwww....

I remember when someone asked me what my favorite part of the new house was. It was the dishwasher, no contest.