Christmas rules and regulations.

NB: I will be checking this list twice.

1. The tree: must be live, with delicate lights and non-generic ornaments. See details.
   


2. The outdoor decorations: must be composed of white lights and natural materials only. Nothing that requires a motor.
   
   
3. The cards: must show at least some small effort beyond stuffing, licking, and stamping.



4. The wish list: must contain ideas and suggestions, but not be so specific as to stifle all creativity on the part of the gift-giver.
   


5. The cookies: Must include thumbprints with frosting. Never jelly.
   


6. The schedule: Gifts must be opened on Christmas morning. Not Christmas Eve. Except one or two just to take the edge off.
   


7. The stockings: Must contain an orange. What can I say? It's a rule.
   


8. The gift-opening: Must occur in sequence from youngest opener to oldest, one gift at a time so all can be properly displayed and admired.
   


9. The traveling: Must be of the grandparents to the grandchildren, and not the other way around.
   a. Exception 1: presence of great-grandparents over the age of 85.
   b. Exception 2: Hawaii.
   


10. The menu: Must not include turkey. What do you think this is, Thanksgiving or something?
    


11. The clothing: Must not be thematic, unless worn by a small child.
    


12. The songs: Must be sung loudly and with gusto, preferably while seated alongside Harry Connick, Jr., at the piano.
    


13. The weather: Must be white. Sparkly, even.