Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Cease and desist

MEMO

TO: The mild yet persistent virus lodged in my son's gut

FROM: MM

RE: Eviction

I hereby request that you vacate your current location immediately, if not sooner. Six days of miscellaneous vomiting and diarrhea are just about enough for one poor baby to take. Please, move on to your next victim (as long as said victim does not live within 3 miles of our family).

______________________________________

MEMO

TO: The painful and persistent canker sores on my gums

FROM: MM

RE: Eviction

Your lease is up too, guys.

______________________________________

MEMO

TO: The geniuses who program the automated coupons that come with my grocery receipt

FROM: MM

RE: Waste of paper

Here's a shocking fact. Not every person who happens to purchase baby products also uses baby formula. Can't you use the same data that pegs me as "MOMMYSHOPPER18291729" to determine that I have never bought a single ounce of the stuff, and that your 78-foot-long come-ons will never get you anywhere with me?

______________________________________

MEMO

TO: The person who introduced my 4-year-old to the wonders of chewing gum

FROM: MM

RE: Thanks

A lot. Really.

3 comments:

mothergoosemouse said...

Oh my. I hope Opie feels better soon. And your gums too. Kyle gets canker sores when he eats more sweets than usual - does anything in particular trigger yours?

I'm so tired of those coupons too. Some of them are great. Some of them are useless (I do not want a "free" phone or an Entertainment book). Some of them are downright insulting - WHY do they think I need "Ensure"? Am I OLD?

And chewing gum? Please tell me you didn't have to cut a wad out of Jo's beautiful hair. Chewing gum is a major no-no at our house - sounds of mastication, you know.

Mayberry said...

I think mine just come from stress--I'm not sure. If from sweets, I'd be in big trouble!

No gum in the hair (or clothes, or furniture)... yet. I'm just waiting for that day to come. Either that, or that she'll choke while running/playing with it in her mouth. Hate it!

Amy (binkytown) said...

I was wondering where you went! I hope you both feel better. Canker sores suck!