Scenes

Imagine if I'd been cooking something more elaborate than instant macaroni and cheese.

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In the kitchen.

Jeff is eating a chocolate-chip scone. Nosy Jo spots it and asks for a bite.

JEFF, sighing dramatically: OK, here you go.
JO, catching a better glimpse: Oh. I don't like that. It has raisins.

Jeff and I look at each other, exchange mental high-five.

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How dumb or unlucky do I have to be to set off the following chain of events: I decide to retrieve the mail. I'm not wearing shoes. I consider getting some, but am too lazy to go find them. I open the foyer door...and bash it into my own forehead. After reeling and cursing, I open the front door and step gingerly onto the porch in my socks, trying in vain to avoid the hundreds of flies (dead and alive) littering the area. More reeling, cursing, and swatting. I shake the flies (dead and alive) off the mail and prepare to flee inside. The door is locked. I'd closed it carefully behind me so no flies would get into the house.

Now I'm forced to walk around to the back door (thankfully unlocked). I run on tiptoe through the side yard (aka dog run). Now I'm trying to avoid stepping on flies, mud, wet grass, and dog poop. Once I get inside, I throw my socks in the garbage. I contemplate a shower and/or a stiff drink, but settle for lunch and an iced tea.

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New Jo habit: Prefacing all performances (of songs, dances, stories, puppet shows, etc.) with the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, in the city of.... Jo!!"

She has also memorized the Pledge of Allegiance. I guess they do it at school. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But I do enjoy hearing "... and to the freePLublic for which it stands..."