Monday, January 01, 2007

Gypsy Spirit

I am the Handmaiden of Change, a Change Whore, the Mistress of Change, any number of appellations describe this secret malady aptly. I have settled down only in incidentals and on the surface of things. If we met on the street, or (hopefully) at a cocktail party, you'd observe this --married mother of three, nice house, good job, loving husband --settled down.

But ah, the misdeeds of my youthful gypsy spirit live on! And not just the sins of the past (though they are sundry and legion) but more the energy of the thing – the inner fire that won't let me settle on any one idea or place or home for long. I need change like others need stability. It keeps me alive and alert and unburied in the ordinariness of things. The lovely ordinariness, the prosaic loveliness of the every day that I at once embrace, adore, and utterly despise.

It is in the end the unknown hopefulness of my future enlightenment that I long for, those moments of total absorption and fullness that seem to live in the space between mortgage payments and peanut butter sandwiches. The liminal possibilities of future joy.

And in the world of Mother, where stability, consistency, and loving constancy are the three pillars, I act against my usual inclinations in favor of providing that loving container of safety and devotion that all children require.

My gypsy spirit lives on, but she hibernates. For now.

***
Rachael is CrankMama, mother of three daughters and aspiring gypsy in beautiful Bellingham, WA. I'm lucky enough to have her visit today as part of the monthly Blog Exchange. You'll find my post on this month's theme over at Rachael's place today--please go visit!

14 comments:

K said...

The change that motherhood brings -- that lack of stability and order -- drove me nuts.

But now that I get it's part of the job, it's not so bad.

The gypsy lives on...

Paige said...

I dont think she's hibernating. I think she's still there, CrankMama.

PunditMom said...

CM, I love this! And I have a feeling that the CrankMama doesn't hibernate for long!

emma said...

crankmama...great post. I think your gypsy spirit is alive and well but not yet out in full force and dancing on tables in bars with a rose between her teeth.

Bobita said...

Oooo, I love this post. Did we once dance around a blazing gypsy bonfire together? I think we must have.

The Fat Lady Sings said...

Don't ignore that gypsy heart, honey! Pass it on with love to your own children. Hopefully they will live as full and rich a live as you seem to have. Memories can be wonderful things. Like you - I have a plethora of 'oh no, I didn’t’s! to ruminate over with delight!

Kate said...

Love this post. Very well written and a little haunting.

Jenny said...

Sounds like she's stirring...

Alex Elliot said...

For me motherhood has been all about changing: expect the unexpected. I enjoyed your post!

Jenn said...

oh, where is that theoretical balance of chaos and boredom?? let me know if you find it!

Pendullum said...

To the gypsy in all of us!!!
She is there, and may she poke her pointy wee head out and test the waters...

Anonymous said...

As the kids get older she will wake from her slumber!

Kids Furniture Mama

tallulah said...

You put it so eleoquently! I too, am a gypsy spirit. It is incredibly difficult to provide the stability my children need when I know that there is a lifetime of adventure out there waiting for me.
Back to the dishes......

mothergoosemouse said...

I need to read more odes to change like this one. You might just have me convinced that I can see the fun side of change!