Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Top secrets of a patient mother

Other moms have occasionally told me that they admire my patience with my children. And it's true that I am pretty good (pretty good, not saintly good) at keeping my cool even when the offspring get ornery. I work hard at reminding myself that they are very small and they really want positive attention. I pick my battles. I distract, I redirect, I vow that we'll all get more sleep.

And I send them to child care 32 hours a week. That's secret #1.

Secret #2, and it's s a dirty one: I vent any and all frustration onto my husband. Speaking of redirection... he gets it all. Kids being bratty? Instead of lashing out at them, I give it to him for not being around, or for saying the wrong thing when he is here. Someone drops/spills/hits something? I can find a way that it's his fault.

I know it's not fair, I know it's not right, and I know I keep doing it anyway.

19 comments:

Lisa said...

You used the word "onery" (which I think I just misspelled.) That makes me love you even more.

I think I need to employ both rules at our house. I WISH I was more patient.

Magpie said...

I also love that you used "ornery"!

I think I'm a patient parent most of the time, because I have a full time job and she's in daycare more than 32 hours per week. So our time together is fun, even when she's irascible. And I have that "me" time, at work and while commuting.

Kelly said...

Uh. I can dig this. I end up holding it all day with the kids, and when they're finally to bed, my husband and I try to have a civilized conversation and end up very much annoyed with one another.

mothergoosemouse said...

I have to say thank you for spelling "ornery" correctly. And I know you say it correctly too.

And yes, you are definitely much more patient than I am, even when I had the girls in care 30+ hours a week. But although you say that you take it out on your husband, I have to point out that you rarely - if ever - do so in front of other people.

Bon said...

i think the fact that what your children see is your patience is what matters. at least i hope so...because at my house, all my inner beastiness breaks out when O's in bed. a person can only hold so much in, friend.

maybe 32 hours a week of childcare is exactly what i need around here. or what Dad needs, at least. :)

bubandpie said...

Yep - those are the two secrets, day-care and sublimation. (But what about mothers who don't HAVE a husband to vent their rage on? Seriously - how do they cope?)

cce said...

I am totally like you...been proselytizing about preschool since day one and I'm always pissed at My Better Half even when I know I'm more often pissed at the kids but taking it out on him anyway. The first step towards recovery is recognizing our weakness.
"Hi, I'm cce and I'm mean to my husband because my children drive me crazy." There that felt good.

Jerri said...

Daycare saves lives!

PunditMom said...

But both of those help save everyone's sanity.

Jennifer (ponderosa) said...

My dear, I could have written this post.

Good thing I married a tolerant man.

But he CAN be a pain in the ass sometimes, you know?

Karianna said...

Ok. That does it! I am going to totally beat up my husband and tell him you told me to do it. :)

scribbit said...

Well I admire anyone who has more patience than I do, and I don't have a lot. I have a hard time particularly after 5 pm when I'm starting to look for the end of the day.

Lady M said...

Hallelujah. A great husband and nanny are the only ways I can even pretend (not so successfully) to be patient.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I send my girls to daycare 4 days a week and most Fridays on my day off I send them for a half day.

This mama is not very patient.

Julie Pippert said...

I can understand this.

However, I see to vacillate between patience and impatience with both husband and children.

movin'mom said...

Okay am I the only one that tells the kids exactly how I feel?

You know that saying, "There's no use crying over spilled milk?" Hhhmm... why?
I don't scream about milk...or water, but if they spill orange juice.....I BLOW A GASKET! That stuff is like superglue on the floor if you don't get it all up!

Sometimes If they are driving me crazy I will tell them that if they don't stop...I am going to remove every hair in their head one by one. This cracks them up of course...
I pretty much have it down to a look....if I get "the look" they know they better GET IT TOGETHER!
As far as unleashing it on the hubby...I've been there too. and then he gets it twice from me if he doesn't read my mind and discipline the, accordingly. Married for 18 years...he better be able to read my mind!

binkytown said...

Don't sweat it. I think most men come with the neato ability to forget about that kind of stuff after they get some sex.

Beatriz said...

Ugh, wish I had read this earlier. Don't know what you should do when your husband is the source of annoyance when the kids are around. 99% of the time, good about keeping it in but today I let it out in front of my daughter. My worst day yet as a mom!

Jamaica said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.