I thought I dropped out of the rat race

Instead, I think I’ve just become an honorary soccer mom. This is a crosspost from my work blog … italics for the stuff that was censored out of that post.

Monday: Kick-off session for religious education. Jo will be attending Sunday school for the first time (the conversation in which she asked Julie whether Tacy would be going to Sunday school too was priceless). The meeting started at 3:45. I figured I’d stop working a few minutes early, get to the church around 4, and not miss too much. Naturally I was in a conference call from 3 to 4 p.m., forcing me to interrupt a roomful of people at 3:55 at stammer “uh, I have to go now, talk to you all later.” If there is a way to be subtle when you’re on speakerphone, I haven’t found it.

Wrong! The whole event involved me rushing frantically from one room to another (sometimes hurrying behind the very accommodating nun who was trying to run the meeting), toting Opie on my hip and trying to make sure he didn’t bite the eraser off the pencil he was chewing. I couldn’t decide whether the eraser or the point was the lesser of the two evils. Worse, the meeting concluded with a prayer service in the church, which I was not at all expecting (the kids’ clothes were dirty, Jo’s hair was tangled from her nap, I had on jeans ... and then there was the toddler who had no interest in sitting quietly on my lap listening to the priest). Jo insisted on sitting in the second row (I wasn’t about to argue the point with her in the middle of the aisle, since we were the VERY LAST people to enter the room) and of course had to use the bathroom halfway through the thankfully, fairly brief service.

Tuesday: Urgent errand 1 (after school): Drive to neighboring town to buy tap shoes, size teeny, because no local stores have them in the proper size; 1,000-mile trip to friend’s house to try on hand-me-downs proved fruitless.

Urgent errand 2 (lunchtime): Mommy needs a bikini wax because Opie starts swimming lessons Saturday. Why am I always getting bikini waxes for stuff like kids’ swimming lessons and birthday parties, instead of trips to Fiji or a secret, highly lucrative career in stretchmark fetish films?

Wednesday: One of Jo’s friends is having a party. It’s actually a toy shopping party. Did someone say soccer mom? Since moving to Mayberry I can’t escape the shopping parties… make-up, purses, kitchen utensils, books, clothing… no *wink wink* pajama parties yet, though.

Thursday: Dance class! Jo can’t wait to twirl and tap. Parents are only allowed to observe on the first day, so after this week Opie and I will spend the class time at a nearby playground, at least until it gets too cold and snowy. Like around October 1.

Friday: Jo slept until 8:45 a.m. Maybe I should run her this ragged every week.

If this sneak preview is anything like what the elementary school years will be like (and I think it is), I’m glad I have a few more years to get ready. Seriously... I'm pretty scared.